I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
