eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
