Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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