dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A bitchslap is in order.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
