I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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