I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
