Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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