Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
