we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
