So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
