First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i now understand why vodka
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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