someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
