now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
