first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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