so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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