I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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