You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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