Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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