i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
