Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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