I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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