My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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