I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have fence marks all over my body
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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