I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
