my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
