i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
