i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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