How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
