Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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