Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
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My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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