Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
