I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
