I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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