I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
