oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize