The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
