She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Success! We fucked roommates!
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