So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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