We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
