my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
