i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
