So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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