I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
