someone get that fucking seahorse.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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