All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
