my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
