That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
