So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
