i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
