Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
