just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
