Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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