just tell him i said nine months
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
