i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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