You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
