have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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