I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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