I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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