Apparently you make a good broom.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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