My Higher Power is John Stamos
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize