I hope mine doesn't look like that
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
