my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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